after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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