moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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