So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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