life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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