I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
