I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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