Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
