And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
