just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
