Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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