ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's get the cat blown out
Drake has all the answers
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
