I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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