im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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