how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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