I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
