Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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