i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
