My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners