I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them