i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...