At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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