he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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