dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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