just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
