So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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