just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
