I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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