Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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