I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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