I skipped work to stalk him.
we're making bets on your personal life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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