Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
