Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
