how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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