Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
