I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This baby is an asshole
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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