Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need a beard to bite.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
