Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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