Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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