my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
