as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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