i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
