We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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