is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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