I want you more than these girls want KFC
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
