$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
