am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
