trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces