My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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