Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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