They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
