No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
