But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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