Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
