Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
