I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize