so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
