1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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