I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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