So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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