Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
